Christian Mentors, Moms, Parents, Stay at Home Moms, Women's Ministries

Honest “No” vs. Dishonest “Yes”

YES ~ to give an affirmative reply to; give assent or approval to.

NOto reject, refuse approval, or express disapproval of.

Has this ever happened to you…the phone rings (or you get a text notification) and before you even answer the call, you knew it was someone calling to make a request. May be a request of your time, your talents, or even a monetary request. And as you use your most congenial voice, saying “Hello”, you know that your calendar is so full that you cannot possibly say yes to the event that you are being requested to help with. Or possibly you have reached the end of your budgeted “extra” money?  All of these thoughts swirl around in your brain like a blender on high speed, and a feeling of panic overtakes you.

“What will they think if I say, no?”

You know that you have the ability to help out at the school fair or to babysit a friends little one; or you finally get the call from a mom inviting you to a luncheon that you’ve always wanted to be invited to!  But…you already have a commitment that day during the same exact time. All of those things can go rushing through your mind in the span of seconds. What do you end up doing?

You say yes to that committee, you say yes to that school event, you say yes to the church event, etc. All the while knowing that by saying yes to those things, there will be other parts of your life that will suffer because you are adding too much to your calendar. Or as they say, you’re adding too much to your plate.

That last phrase made me think how about 10 years ago we decided to stop eating on our dinner size plates and changeover to the luncheon size plate. It was a physical and visual help to our whole family as we restructured what our eating habits needed to look like. It works!  You cannot put as much food on a smaller plate. (Yep…that’s my college class of “physics for poets” paying off big time there!).

But then there are those days where you attend a function and they have the bountiful buffet table spread before you. Sometimes, well most of the time, you get back to your table and you set down your plate and you exclaim, “Oh my goodness! How did I get this much food on my plate! It all just looks so good and I knew it would all taste so wonderful, I just couldn’t decide and so I just took a little bit of everything.”

I don’t know about you, but after experiences like that, and after finishing a plate that is too full, I feel horrible for the next several days. My body cries out to me, “Why in the world did you do that to me!” My friends, this is exactly what our mind and our hearts cry out to us when we have put too many things on our calendar…making our plate too full. The time with our spouse is diminished. The time spent playing with our children doesn’t happen because we have to spend time preparing for that extra event.  Time away from home causes missed opportunities elsewhere.

Now don’t get me wrong…I’m all about being involved in my community; be it my family, our church, our neighborhood, or my kids’ schools. It’s very important to be involved and get to know how we can best serve those communities with the gifts and talents that God has given me.  I’m talking about balance here and how to achieve it.

Matthew 5:37, “But let your word ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one.” 
2 Corinthians 1:17, “So when I planned this, was I irresponsible? Or what I plan, do I plan in a purely human way so that I say “Yes, yes” and “No, no” simultaneously?”
James 5:12, [ Truthful Speech ] “Now above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. Your “yes” must be “yes,” and your “no” must be “no,” so that you won’t fall under judgment.”

These three verses are just a sampling of how God’s Word encourages and admonishes us to be careful with our speech and the actions that follow.  We are created in God’s image, and as such, we are a reflection of Him.  God keeps His word and never makes a mistake in His answers.  We are called to those same standards as followers of Christ.

I used to get so conflicted about deciding what events to be available for and what not to. I would fall into the trap of wanting to be liked and accepted by the other moms at school, so out of fear of being left out, I would say yes to things that I knew I truly did not have the time or resources to participate in. But isn’t that what we do? We volunteer, and then we volunteer some more, and then we volunteer some more. To what end? We get home at the end of the day and we don’t have anything left emotionally or mentally to give our family. We work so hard at times to gain the approval of others that we don’t realize we are showing our family that they come second. Why do we do this? Why do I not remember that my identity is in Christ and He has the best plan for me…better than I can even imagine for myself.

One way to start changing what your plate looks like, is simply….to think!  Instead of jumping at the opportunity and saying yes right away, give an honest answer that might sounds like, “You know what…that sounds really exciting, but I cannot give you a firm answer right now. Let me go home, look at my calendar and talk with my family and I will get back to you as soon as I know if this will work in our schedule.” My friends, that little moment right there will save you a world of anxiety and frustration!  You may find that you can say yes…and Honest Yes…and it will be a joyful activity to be involved with.

If you have to come back to that person with an Honest No…you are doing two things: 1) You are honoring the Lord with your time and blessing your family with your sanity; and 2) You are making room for someone else to have the blessing of saying yes.  Yes…someone else is out there waiting to be asked.   God may have someone else in mind for that event or activity.  Be patient and trust that God will have you in the right place for a time intended for you to be a part of!  There is no “FOMO” with God ~ you know…”fear of missing out.”  God isn’t on pinterest, facebook, instagram, or twitter. Those outlets aren’t bad in and of themselves, but the credence we can give them in our life may at times be out of order.

An honest no is ALWAYS better than a dishonest yes.  Take a breath.  Pause.  Think.  Wait.  Then answer truthfully and thoughtfully.  Honor the Lord in all that you say and in all that you do.

Blessings,

René

James 5 verse 12

Christian Mentors, Moms, Parents, Stay at Home Moms, Women's Ministries

Do you have enough Steam?

Well, it’s January 2nd…Happy New Year and two days in already.  Do I feel ready for a new year? Do I feel prepared to do all that in rolling around in my brain to do?  CAN I do everything I want and hope to do? Do I have enough steam?  Stop the madness already!!

I was ironing a shirt the other day and didn’t feel like refilling the water tank in the iron.  No big deal…it’s still going to get hot enough to iron the shirt.  And it did…sort of.  There was enough heat to begin the job, but the steam is what completes the job.  So, I stopped, got the water pitcher and filled up the tank.  Within a few seconds, the water and the neat of the iron connected and huge plume of steam burst out of the iron ~ magic!  Now, my shirt would be ready sans wrinkles very soon.  That little transaction made me think about my life.  Yes…it did…doesn’t take much for God to make a point to get me to pay attention.

How many times this year did I use a “hot enough” iron to get the job done, when I really needed the steam?  It’s a little thing really.  How much time did it take me to fill the iron with water ~ about 20 seconds.  But I had to stop what I was doing, and I didn’t want to because I was kinda in a rush.  I didn’t want to have to concentrate on pouring water into the tiny little hole at the top of the handle area. If I didn’t concentrate though, I’d have a river of water flowing out of the iron and all over my shirt and the ironing board and then I’d have to stop and mop that mess up!  UGH! Was it worth it?  To pay attention for about a minute and do the job right?  Absolutely!

So in this new year…I’m not going to make any resolutions.  Nope.  Not gonna do it!  Because then I beat myself up when I don’t accomplish those resolution goals.  Sometimes it’s simply because I put too many restrictions on myself, or make unrealistic goals.

What I am going to do in this new year of 2016 ~ I’m going to make sure I have enough steam to accomplish what is set before me.

That “steam” is going to take a lot of different forms this year.

*Eat well & drink more water ~ this means I’ll have the energy I need for my mind and body to flow through the day.

*Bible study time ~ this means I’ll have enough spiritual energy to tackle whatever comes my way.  And not just a scheduled 15 minute “read my devotional”, but to really dig deep and fall in love with God’s Word more and more each day.  I will have to make a concentrated effort to plug in to what God is wanting to teach me so that He can pour in His living water!

*Family meal time ~ this means having purposeful time together with my sweet family.  We already do a pretty good job having dinner together every night, but I need to inject more “steam” in cooking dinner and not picking up something from a restaurant or resort to breakfast for dinner as often as I have in the past few months. (Hey…there is definitely a place for waffles and scrambled eggs for dinner….don’t get me wrong. 🙂  Just not as frequent).

*Friend time ~ this means making an actual phone call to a friend to plan a coffee or lunch date.  NOT texting back and forth to confirm it.  But go the old-fashion route of calling them and hearing their voice.

*Electronic Free time ~ this means not carrying around my phone and checking it a million times a day. We don’t have a land line, so I do need to have my cell phone close by if someone calls, but I don’t have to be holding it and looking at facebook or instagram updates every five seconds.  This will also mean that I have time to do another “old-fashioned” thing ~ it’s called writing a letter!  You know, when you get a card or just a plain old piece of paper, and write down your thoughts  and mail it to another person!  Hand written letters are a treasure ~ trust me when I tell you that if you take the time to write someone a letter (or even jot a short thought down on a postcard), the recipient will feel like royalty!!  Definitely something that will be treasured!

So, will I have enough steam this year?  My prayer is a resounding YES!!  My reality may fall short sometimes, but I’m not going for perfection.  That only happens on TV.  Everyday that I wake up, I’m going to pray and ask the Lord to show me how I can get enough steam for the day….and where to direct that steam!  Direction is very important!!  When you’re ironing a shirt, and you get your hand too close to the front of the iron & you hit that “steam” symbol button and you end up steaming your fingers…OUCH!  Or if you are ironing very fast and end up creating new creases in your shirt than when you started out with.  Those are tougher to get out than just regular wrinkles.  They seem “set in” and are so crisp and perfect.  That’s when you have to use that other button, the “sprayer” and get a larger amount of water down on that one spot, then hit it again with the hot iron and steam.

~ Concentration ~ Direction ~ Commitment ~ Time  ~

Hebrews 4:16, “Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time.”
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Jump into this new year and leave all the old junk in 2015!  You don’t need it and it’ll just weigh you down.  Gotta keep things light so that the steam can carry you throughout your days.  Keep your eyes on the task that God has given you and trust that He will fill you with His living water, heated by His compassion and love for you, with enough gracious direction to help you flow from one day to the next.

Happy New Year!!

Blessings,

René