Christian Mentors, College age women, Moms, Parents, Stay at Home Moms, Teachers, Uncategorized, women, Women's Ministries, Writers

The Audience of One…

Have you ever heard that saying, “You’re getting too big for your britches?”

I heard it A LOT from my great-grandmother, Mrs. Hildegard Hentschke Reid ~ my sweet little German grandma ~ “Little girl, you are getting too big for your britches.  You need to mind your grandma right now.” Let’s just say I think I was born was a sassy attitude!

So where is this all coming from?

Well, as I was driving around in my car today, listening to a fantastic podcast (shout out to @wearedeclare @declarepodcast) on getting your goals organized in the new year, I started to wonder why I haven’t been writing. Like, writing anything. Before yesterday, I hadn’t posted since the end of October 2018. I’ve got two book proposals that have sat untouched since the about the same time as well. Why? I have plenty of ideas that I jot down in my “Blog Ideas” Notes app. Everyday, there is something the Lord brings to mind that I think could easily become a blog or Instagram post. But why do I choose to watch tv or play word search games on my phone?

Fear and Pride. Plain and simple…that’s the answer. But where did that come from?

Well, back to my drive in the car that prompted all of this.

I clearly heard the Lord speak to my heart and say, “You must remove that last post from your account. But keep it in the ‘trash’ section to remind yourself that you are always one temptation away from thinking you can live this calling on your own.”

Whoa!

So when I got home, I did just that. And I’ll tell you why.

Back in October of last year, I had listened to a podcast where a speaker/writer wrote a blog that unexpectedly went viral. She didn’t have a lot of readers on her blog as it was so it was a complete shock that this was happening. Her friends and family were clogging up her text feed with tons of comments and “Whoa, you broke your blogsite! Congrats!” And within a short period of time, she was being booked on podcasts, being interviewed in magazines and the local paper, and published her first book. The book publisher came to her…not the other way around. Part of her encouragement to the listeners was to write/speak what God was putting on your heart because you never know what will happen with it and who will read it.

Well, if she could do it, by golly, so could I!

I will say that the topic I wrote about was something that had been really bothering me (basically, all the ways we as Christians are not acting like the global body of Christ that He intends us to be).

But here’s where pride came in…

The whole time I was writing, I was NOT writing to my “audience of One” ~ nope ~ I was writing to the “hoped for audience of thousands”.

Honestly, I wanted to be discovered. I wanted to be known.

I wanted my blog post to go viral. I think I even posted links to the blog a few times via my IG and FB accounts. So much pride that what I wrote was going to turn the tide of insincere Christianity. Yet, I was being incredibly insincere with every key stroke in that blog post.

Then came in the fear…

No responses came in for that post. What if people were reading it but thought I was off my rocker and decided to not like my posts anymore. So I checked, and there were only two views. TWO!

{I’m pretty sure one of them was my own when I went in to copy the url address to add that to some IG posts and a few texts.}

When I first started blogging back in August of 2015, each post idea was prayed over and prayed over again before publishing.  I had a banner first year! {Go figure!}. The following May, my middle daughter was home from her time at YWAM and she said that she noticed I checked my WordPress stats all the time. I was a bit defensive at first (that should’ve told me something right then!) but I knew the Lord was using her to speak to me. She asked me that all important question, “Who are your writing for?” We talked a lot then about the “Audience of One” ~ the fact that it was the Lord who’d given me the talent to write and He would be the one to do something with it or not. My daughter then challenged me to not look at my WordPress stats for the entire month of June and to return to my first love…return to writing for the Lord…my audience of One.

By the end of that month, I had recaptured my joy of writing and was completely confident that if no one read what I wrote, I was still being obedient to the Lord because this is something He has called me to do for Him. And that was perfectly fine with me.

Fast forward a few years and I have admittedly gotten wrapped up in the numbers…again! If God keeps giving me ideas and things to write about, why don’t other people read it? I mean, my close friends and family read it but it’s not like I’m getting hundreds of people every day reading my posts. I allowed dissatisfaction to creep in. I allowed fear of failure to settle over my mind. And for all intense-and-purposes, I stopped writing.

September/October 2018 were great in that I began to edit my book proposal in order to prepare for a writer’s conference I was going to. I knew I needed to make it worth the time and money spent ~ and boy oh boy was it! (Thank you @declareconference) The speakers and the attendees I met there were phenomenal! So what happened to all that enthusiasm when I got home?

I allowed the enthusiasm to turn into pride.

I absolutely want to go to this conference again, but before I make the commitment to go, I must maintain my commitment to what God has asked me to do. To stick with my calling as He gives it, is what matters.

I’m thankful that the Lord has given me grace while I walked around “too big for my britches” for most of 2018, and has shown my heart mercy. I’m thankful for His discipline and His instructions today as I drove around doing errands. I know that one day He’ll lead me to permanently “empty the trash” in my WordPress account, but for today, it is a beautiful reminder to me ~ when I removed God from the calling, the calling becomes a resounding gong…and nobody wants to listen to that.

My friends, through this window of vulnerability, may I encourage you to see what you need to “put in the trash” and what you need to do to return to the joy of the calling that God has on your life. We all have different gifts and talents, but here’s a little secret…as Believers, we ALL have the same calling ~

To know God, and to make Him known.

How am I doing that today? How are YOU going to do that today? I’d love to hear from you…to encourage you and pray for you! And even if I don’t hear from a single human being…I am truly okay with that too!

Live out your calling to the Audience of One!

 

Blessings,

René

 

psalm 89 verse 1

 

1 thought on “The Audience of One…”

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